Transactional Relationships

There is a certain amount of effort that people put into individuals they meet. This effort is usually for a Return. The threat of that effort being removed creates anxiety and rashness. The loss of that effort creates depression, hate, malice and other negative affects towards the individual.

What isn’t normally realized is that this effort was placed willingly, and with complete knowledge that it is a risk. Why do we treat our relationships as business transactions? If you don’t either follow a person’s lead or contribute to a person’s interest, there is no relationship.

It makes me wonder if thinking that relationships should be based on non-transactional “interest and care” for each other is the right way to think of my role toward other human beings, as a human being. Why do we even have this opinion of non-conditional relationships where we accept our friends and family as “who they are”, without any expectation of change or validation of our own interests?

More and more it appears to me that our lives are based on what I would call “Threat”. I will relate this to video game terminology, silly as it may seem. “Threat” is a concept that goes along with another known as “Aggro” or aggression. The more you perform an action or relinquish performing and action you gain and lose aggro. The closer you are to someone, the more of a threat you are, and the easier it is to get “Aggro”‘. The further away, physically and emotionally, the less likely you are going to gain “Aggro”. There is always the exception, such as the random act of senseless violence, or kindness. But these are few and far between and are indeed also transactional relationships because they create and instant and unexpected transaction between yourself and another that creates great and intense gratification, sorrow, despair, and other powerful feelings right at the start of the relationship.

Transactional relationships exist in all aspects of our lives. Of course, in business, this is the norm. If you don’t do you work, you are fired. If you do your work well, you are rewarded. You make deals, hold up, or let down your end of bargains. You help people and you defy people. You create opportunity, and block others for your, or your associates benefit, to the downfall of your competitors. These are all transactions, one comment traded for another, one persons salary increases as another loses their job.

Competition itself is a transaction. It is an agreement toward gain and loss between two or more parties, and the acceptance of thereof.

This transactional relationship exists in counseling as well. You must pay money, or perform the advice given, or else the counselor severs the relationship. The counselor has the intent to help others, but never out of selfless care. There is always something given, whether its physical payment, emotional gratification or mental satisfaction.

Would it surprise you that it occurs in spiritual circles as well?

What use are you to a person or group if you don’t follow their belief system, leadership or advice? The minute you forget the mantra, you have threatened your relationship with the teacher, the student, with God! If you forget to pray or pay homage to your deity, you may have sinned and must repent or “make up” for the forgotten transaction. This is an expected transaction as well, payment for misdeed.

When the group realizes you no longer have interest in their subject, they see the effort they “put” into you as a loss and discard you. It is completely conditional, and conditional relationships can only create conditioned thinking and behavior. Conditioning is a transaction. You put in to get out something, your own brainwashing or the brainwashing of others, along with the strengthening of your own personal position.

Is it bothersome that our lives function this way? Is this the way it is supposed to be? Is it healthy? Is it sane?