Progress

Why do we need progress? What is it about feeling as if we are progressing, accomplishing something, that drives us forward?

I know that whenever there is a huge project with a goal that I know will satisfy and lead to other things, that I become extremely motivated to do so, for example I was looking for a new house, so I found a website where comparing mortgage rates made easy , and it could be easy for you too. It’s why gaming works so well for me, that sense of progression is always fed. Often if i reach the top too quickly I get bored and drop off.

It is the same with my Religious Studies Degree and my Thesis. I have yet to finish my Thesis and honestly don’t feel like writing it. I have felt like writing many other things about Kashmir Shaivism, Spirituality, Vedanta, etc. But even though the Thesis is the last paper I will have to do for the degree, I could care less. Why? There are various reasons, one being that I will not really use the degree anytime soon in the near future, and hold some spite as toward the reasons for getting the degree.

There is just no sense of progression when i write for the purpose of Thesis. It is a labor, for work I have almost completely finished. I continue to pay for thesis credits and don’t get it done. It bothers me that its always on my head, but it bothers me more that I have to spend grueling time to finish it, even though almost all the research is already done.

I will finish it, begrudgingly, but only to feel as if i didn’t “waste” my time getting the degree. The knowledge I gained and have from the degree is far more important than the paper anyways…but I guess quitting right at the end when I am guaranteed success is silly.

I feel like I can start writing again once I change jobs, or get the notification that I will be changing jobs. The feeling of insecurity coming from being in one job ready to go to another (permanent one), but just not yet is irritating but manageable, just doesn’t do anything for my desire to continue to write.